The dream

I've recently downloaded 3 piano songs, for my meditation, they were really relaxing and even sad, (or at least, they provoke sad thoughts.) I spent most of the night crying Because I was imagining if something bad happened to Toni and I couldn't save him, I would be devastated. but if I did save him, he would see how much I loved him, because I would be in tears praying for him to stay alive for me. And...he would hug me. He's still here...nothing bad happened; so stop imagining that!

When I finlly fell asleep which was about 4:40 am, I had a dream...not just any dream.
I was on an escalator going down, with my friends, Ali and Ama, Toni, was right in front of me leaning on the railing, open arms for me to fill. It was a long, comforting hug. My friends behind me were teasing but we didn't care. It actually felt like he loved me...It felt so good...when I woke up, I was in a relatively good mood exceptfor the part when my sister Mani took of her diaper filled with shit and put it on my bed saying "Kae, see make a poo!" . Talk about a rude awakening.