Histoire D'amour(in english though)SYKES!

I've decided to maybe write all the chapters of my lovelife. painful. this one is called: come back to me.

Today Ami was a little under the weather. grumpy cuz her mom got into an accident 6 yrs ago and is still in excruciating pain. At lunch it was hard for her-- and me to say what was on my mind, and my heart.

I know I had nothing to do with this, but I still can't help but feel bad...There's nothing I can do to make you better. ...I'm sorry...

I really felt her pain. I put myself in her shoes and I felt what she felt. I tried to make her strong. You are strong. I wish I was strong...I wouldn't be able to take it.

brb...

Dead head

With Tarot cards I own, I had a prediction that Ami would fall for me, and later on there would be miner problems. That's good, right?
In english class My brain was, IS dead because I couldn't think of anything to write. My mark was Terrible.
Yanni was so cute. Such a cut teacher. I had such a crush on her...she must think I'm supa dumb now!
I should consult tarot if i will pass school and graduate...cuz it's not looking good for me, I have to take a night course at John abbot.
I'll get back on this topic..

Betrayal(in my heart)

Of course I knew she didn't like me, but Ali was flirting with her Again. So that bothered me. I think I let my jealousy accidently slip out of me. She wanted to wear my crown, the thing I got attention from. She already gets attention without help; I need it. Then she starts playing with Ami's hair. I hate it. More than I can possibly say. Ppl also mock me. So I took it off, and I split from Ami +Ali= Me invisible and not mattering. I said I had to go to the bathroom. I can't bear it when they're together.

She was so sweet to me before...She hugged me yesterday so tight and so long that I felt like My knees were weak. then I sat don't at a computer and there he was. Sy, was next to me. It was always coincidence we were together... I hope I really have a chance...

Crushes

Today I had an exam in Biology, but that wasn't important now. To me, It was all about love. Love for me, is always deserted...I always feel left out...When it came to Ali and Ami. Our class was talking about prom and how cool it will be and Ami asked me to be her date. I was so happy. Is she joking ? I asked her and she said she was serious. I wondered if she liked me. Would she flake on me if someone asked her out. She said no. but I was still scared. She just finished talking to "Just", her ex from a few years ago and he said he liked her before, but he didn't say anything about now. Ami was hysterically happy. I was happy for her too. But I couldn't help but feel a little sad. Will someone like me? Will she flake on me if he asks her? ...This new crush I have, Sy, is in my friench class. I walked by him and he said "hhhmmm..." like delicious. Ya know? I was so flattered.
Yanni- my english teacher was so hot, I always get nervous near her
Tryna get ova Chino though...

And I wonder if Ami's hugs... are they real? I don't want them to end.

Disappointment

WELL, I guess my life is over 'cause Dawson College is gonna give me another chance at exams to get in. I'm so scared I might fail and succeed. And most of my grades were good, or at least reasonable. My dream program in languages was taken in Vanier, not sure about Dawson... And I tried applying online, but I can't find my transcript anywhere and I don't know what my permanent code is. I'm doomed for the second round. The deadline is Monday, April 19 (before 12:00 pm)-- today is Sunday, April 18. I'm screwed... I don't want to lose. I-- I wanna go to Japan. but my dreams are held up now...
My mom has been supportive of me. But now It's not enough.
...Is there nothing I can do?

I love you--story(not mine) from: http://www.lovefatedestiny.com/

--storyI have a boyfriend who grew up with me. His name is Jin. I always thought of him as a friend until last year, when we went to a trip from a club. I found that I fell in love with him. Before that trip was over, I took a step and confessed my love for him. And soon, we became a pair of lovers, but we loved each other in different ways. I always concentrated on him only, but by his side, there were so many other girls. To me, he was the only one, but to him, maybe I was just another girl…




“Jin, do you want to go watch a movie?” I asked.

“I can’t”

“Why? You need to study at home?” I felt disappointment grabbing me.

“No… I am going to meet a friend…”



He was always like that. He met girls in front of me, like it was nothing. To him, I was just a girlfriend. The word ‘love’ only came out from my mouth. Since I knew him, I had never heard him say ‘I love you’ before. To us, there weren’t any anniversaries at all. He didn’t say anything from the first day and it continued till 100 days…200days… Everyday, before we say goodbye, he would just hand me a doll, everyday, without fail. I don’t know why…



Then one day…



Me: Um, Jin, I …

Jin: What…don’t drag, just say..

Me: I love you.

Jin: ……you….um, just take this doll and go home.

That was how he ignored my ‘three words’ and handed me the doll. Then he disappeared, like he was running away. The dolls I received from him everyday, filled my room, one by one. There were many…

Then one day came, my 15th year old birthday. When I got up in the morning, I pictured a party with him, and stranded myself in my room, waiting for his call. But… lunch passed, dinner passed… and soon the sky was dark… he still didn’t call. It was already tiring to look at the phone anymore. Then around 2am in the morning, he suddenly called me and woke me from my sleep. He told me to come out of the house. Still, I felt joy and I ran out happily.

Me: Jin…



Jin: Here…take this…

Again, he handed me a little doll.

Me: What’s this?

Jin: I didn’t give it to you yesterday, so I am giving it to you now. I’m going home now, bye.

Me: Wait, wait! Do you know what today is?

Jin: Today? Huh?

I felt so sad, I thought he would remember my birthday. He turned around and walked away like nothing had happen.Then I shouted… “Wait…”

Jin: You have something to say?

Me: Tell me, tell me you love me…

Jin: What?!

Me: Tell me

I put my pathetic self behind and clung on to him. But he just said simple cold words and left.

“I don’t want to say…that I love someone so easily, if you are desperate to hear it, then find someone else.”

That was what he said. Then he ran off. My legs felt numb… and I collapsed to the ground. He didn’t want to say it easily… How could he…. I felt that… Maybe he is not the right guy for me…

After that day, I stranded myself at home crying, just crying. He didn’t call me, although I was waiting. He just continued handing me a little doll every morning outside my house. That’s how those dolls piled up in my room… everyday...



After a month, I got myself together and went to school. But what made the pain resurface was that… I saw him on a street… with another girl… He had a smile on his face, one that he never showed me…as he touched the doll… I ran straight back home and looked at the dolls in my room, and tears fell… Why did he gave these to me… Those dolls are probably picked out by some other girls…In a fit of anger, I threw the dolls around. Then suddenly, the phone rang. It was him. He told me to come out to the bus stop outside my house. I tried to calm myself down and walked to the bus stop. I kept reminding myself that I am going to forget him, that… it’s going to end. Then he came into my sight, holding a big doll.




Jin: Jo, I thought you were pissed, you really came?

I couldn’t help hating him, acting like nothing had happen and joking around. Soon, he held out the doll as usual…

Me: I don’t need it. Jin: What….why…

I grabbed the doll from his hands and threw it on the road.

Me: I don’t need this doll, I don’t need it anymore!! I don’t want to see a person like you again!

I spitted out all the words that were inside me. But unlike other days, his eyes very shaking.

“I’m sorry” He apologized in a tiny voice. He then walked over to the road to pick up the doll…

Me: You stupid! Why are you picking up the doll?! Just throw it away!!!



But he ignored me and just went to pick the doll. Then…



Honk~ Honk~

With a loud honk, a big truck was heading towards him.

“Jin! Move! Move away!” I shouted… But he didn’t hear me, he squatted down and picked up the doll.

“Jin, move!” HONK~!! “Boom!” That sound, so terrifying.

That’s how he went away from me. That’s how he went away without even opening his eyes to say one word to me.

After that day, I had to go through everyday with guiltiness and the sadness of losing him… And after spending two months like a crazy person… I took out the dolls.



Those were the only gifts he left me since the day we started going out. I remembered the days I spent with him and started to count the days… when we were in love…



“One…two… three…” That was how… I started to count the dolls…

“Four hundred and eighty four… four hundred and eighty five…” It all ended with 485 dolls.

I then started to cry again, with a doll in my arms. I hugged it tightly, then suddenly…



“I love you~, I love you~” I dropped the dolls,shocked.



“I….lo..ve…you??” I picked up the dolls and pressed its stomach.



“I love you~ I love you~” It can’t be! I pressed all the dolls’ stomach as it piled on the side.

“I love you~”

“I love you~”

“I love you~”

Those words came out non-stop. I…love you… Why didn’t I realize that….That his heart was always by my side, protecting me. Why didn’t I realize that he love me this much… I took out the doll under the bed and pressed it’s stomach, that was the last doll, the one that fell on the road. It had his blood stain on it. The voice came out, the on that I was missing so much…



“Jo…Do you know what today is? We’ve been loving each other for 486 days. Do you know what 486 is? I couldn’t say I love you…. Um… since I was too shy… If you forgive me and take this doll, I will say that I love you… everyday… till I die… Jo… I love you…”





The tears came flowing out of me. Why? Why? I asked god, why do I only know about all this now? He can’t be by my side, but he loved me until his last minute…



For that… and for that reason… to me… it became courage… to live a beautiful life.