Hurtfulness

GOD(DESS) I hate it when Ali And Ami are always together...flaunting their friendship in my face!! Everyone sees it! they all think they're together but I hate it. I hate it like fuck, man. You know what I mean? Then Ali goes home it's like I'm not invisible anymore. i'm a rebound, like Chino said. I was really hurt when he called me his rebound...And alex, was the apple of his eye I always knew but I wanted to be wrong, so desperately. He kept hugging me, but I wasn't sure I wanted to hug him...rebounds aren't important-- and he just admitted that he liked ALI-- though not directly...(As if there aren't enough ppl gushing over her!!!)


Yesterday We all went to the park and Chino and Ami play fought. I saw Chino's stomach...It was so hairy, but his stomach, to me, was so sexy! i was sooo turned on BY THEM BOTH(tHE TWINS AMI AND CHINO-- Did I tell you they were twin?? They are!!). LOL. Chino was doing all these cute things and I couldn't help but think he was beautiful and I love him and I kept smiling and staring at him by accident, because I never let him see me stare; I slip up sometimes, OKAY? DON'T JUdge ME! LOL. Sometimes if I stare too long I can't stop.


Chino...why did you say that?...I get it ...You really like her...please stop toying with me... Or I wont' be able to hold back my feelings for you...Or worse, I won't be able to keep this friendship...with you...


When he hugged me today... I wanted to hug him back so badly but I didn't because I was getting ready for separation for the one day he will once again...Break my heart.


Why did he hug me... why is this so hard to deal with? Why can't I get over him? Chino, I love you...but I can't anymore...I don't want to hurt anymore...