Thursday July 8, 2010
Your love
book 1 chapt. 6,7,9
chapter 6 of book one: Truth
There weren't any words to describe the hurt you feel when you've been betrayed. deceived.
Anger. Dejection. Regret.
Then again,"Zahira" was a liar.
I didn't know who to believ. Zahira told me one thing, another told me different.
She told me that he got a GIRL PREGNANT. She linked herself to him so he couldn't be with me.
Though I've found out his secrets, I still wanted him so. And he deceived me, but I coudn't let him go.
I hadn't realized how upset I had been until I talked to my mother. She told me I was sleep-walking the other night. Was there no one at all to turn to? I looked up at the miserable sky. and cried, just as David in the bible had:
Somebody, please help me.Is there a god I can depend on? Show me you are there so I won't become bad.
The wind blew as I went on:
I don't mean to be bad when I am. Please, just don't let me be broken again--bring him back here with me. Please.
And I waited for my response.
(notes/ comments:) ummm whoa! the writing is so small it barely takes up a page!!! It's so much bigger on lined paper...)
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Saturday, July 10, 2010
Chapter7
Two days after waiting desperately for an answer, my love returned.
He had been looking for me, I knew.
Suddenly it didn't matter what kept us apart, I knew. God was there. He brought him back to me, for a while at least.
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It was like I blinked and he disappeared. I hoped and prayed for his return, and the days I've waited felt like eternity.
I sensed he'd be back, then I'd ask him the truth-- the full of it.
It had been painful at times to remember us before that first disappearance. We were really something. I had loved and hurt so many times, so hard, that one day it might kill me.
Every reason I loved him kept me waiting. Gentle, sweet, warm, Guillaume...
I will wait for you..
(comments:) umm...maybe on paper I write too big???
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July 23-25, 2010
Chapter 9
He never did come back.
Getting over him sounded easier than it felt, but I coun't let this go on any longer. I couldn't let every guy crush me.
But I did.
I have tried my very best to get over him week after week.
Finally my heart grew stronger-- a little, but still stronger. It hurt to try and forget the love I felt, but I endured it.
Then I started dreaming about him. My greatest fear was finding out that he was as bad as Zahira had said.
Two nights in a row I've had dreams about him. I knew he wasn't coming back-- I was sure he had a new life, and a new love. He moved on, so I coudn't I?
Because I loved him.
I tried to keep my thoughts at "He's not here, not coming back." Not a happy thought, but it kept me from extreme disappointment.
One thing I wanted to forget was pain.
"What happened to Guillaume?" My mother asked me, and it hurt me-- more than i can say-- to hear his name.
"He's gone." I answered. I was smiling, trying to hide behind my voice, stop myself from crying.
The truthwas, I didn't know where he was. How his name triggered sudden heaviness so deep, I couldn't stand the silence at night. I couldn't sleep.
He suddenly disappeared, and left me here with these unbearable people. In this God-forsaken place.
God left me with no father, and no man to love me.
He said he loved me, and I believed him. I was stupid. I was...broken, empty. How I pay for such fragility. Such folly. My heart shattered.
Life goes on. a broken heart heals. Like every wound, there's a scar, a memory, but it fades away eventually.
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