new beginnings

I know for a fact that Toni and I will never be together. Never in a million years. I loved him more than I can say... but It wasn't returned and it never will be...

I did find someone else. Kai was my boyfriend for about 3 weeks and a half. He was very affectionate and annoying at times. I really did like him...but he had to move away...my first real boyfriend is gone now. But I wished it so. And now it's time...For new beginnings

For a while now, I find myself lost in my thoughts thinking about school, friends, all that stuff― I didn't mean for it to happen. More often then I realize, I gaze at him during class and thinking about how beautiful he is inside and out, thinking about how much I love him, and that he has potential in life. And the thing is, I dream about us...how happy we'd be together one day... A wedding...Children...then the wake-up call comes in: I'm only 15. Anything could happen; what about when he goes to college? He could find someone better than me, I mean, if I liked him, who's to say no one else will?

And he would be happy― So, So happy. But I wouldn't... I don't like to think about it much. I don't want to imagine his eyes or his hair on anyone else's child. I don't want to imagine another girl on him doing you-know-what. I don't want her to be walking down the aisle in the dress I should be wearing to his wedding. I know I can't control any of this so it would be pointless complaining.

I don't understand how I end up with these feelings. When he's angry, I am too, when he's embarrassed, I'm embarrassed. When he's sad, I'm sad. I'm happy when he is. I know he's a little weird, but everyone has his or her moments. I don't understand how girls just look at him and reject him like they do. Why don't they see him as a beautiful, smart, guy with a heart? If they did, he would be the heartthrob Of PCHS. They say to me, “Why are you so into him, anyway? He would be so much better if he was…” this, this and that, “You wouldn’t like him so much if you lived with him…” and “ He’s just not boyfriend material.” I can’t tell you enough how tired and annoyed I am of hearing things like that. No. I don't care. I like whom I like. You do the same; so don’t try to tell me different.

Sometimes they get to me. I say to myself, “Why on earth did I like him so much? Well, not anymore.” Then when I see him again I realize that what I saw before was just what I see now. And I soften up. I never forgot about him ever, I just kept lying to myself to try, so that I won’t be hurt, so one day, I won’t have to tell him, Because I don’t love him. But I will, and I do.

You ask, but what about him? How does he feel towards you? Does he know how you feel? No, He doesn’t…for the better. I only show it in actions and gestures, even when I try my best not to. I can’t help it. I’ve never felt this way about any guy. I hope that if I do tell him, it won’t ruin our friendship; (you know how they say there’s no turning back) even if nothing happens I still want us to be friends …and I’ll be there for him. He can confide in me… I just hope that I’ll be able to tell him before someone else does…


Property of

Miz.Poetic Rhymez
A.K.A.
Kayla Ali- Joseph
A.K.A.
Kae TAj


SOmeONE ElSe poem by me

Someone else in my shoes, my hat, my clothes
Someone else in my dreams, my world, my mind…
Full of crap, full of shows, here she goes
One, two, first blows
Stole my shine
Crossed the line.
And she’ll regret it this time.

Three, four, now she’s sore
Now her tears are gonna pour,
Getting up, now she’s asking for more.
Bang, bang, on the floor
All the gore
I’ve won, I have scored
I’ve killed her
Her spirit, hopes, and dreams
Nearly everything she had
Ripped to the seams
At times I would do anything
To take her place instead
But nothing now can ease my troubles
No one gives a damn
in my bed, my life, my head…