The Hot teacher: Struggle with Lust

Okay, here I go. Dear Diary,

Remember I wrote the other day how Ricky was a turn-off? well...Let's just say that My heart still yearns for him. Though, not as much as It used to. Partly because God doesn't want us to be together. For the better.

I have to admit that most of the reason I want to get married is because I'm a virgin and I want to do it so bad. And I don't want to sin getting what I want! We all know what it's like to be single, don't we???. I promise to my husband that I will be such a whore. For Him. No one else.. Then he'll think I'm special. Well, that's what my mom told me once. haha. Hear that, future husband?  Without everyone screaming at once, please.

I know myself, and my struggle with lust as a Christian is unbearable, or despicable. In the day when I'm wide awake it's hard enough to keep my mind(and body) pure, But at night the real battle begins where I dream all kinds of nasty things which, unfortunately for you perverts, I will not speak of. Too bad. *laughs out loud*

Anyway...back to romance. I was in English class. My English teacher, Mr. Atallah(a.k.a. HOT Arab guy) has the hots for me. I just know it. There was one time when I wrote down his schedule for his office. He says he's available "if we need to come and see him." I interpreted that as "Anytime" and I wrote it down on my paper. The next moment The teacher came to sit in front of me to see my work(and others) and he saw the "anytime". He started chuckling and then started talking fast and babbling things  like,"....well, not from 8 to 10 but I'm there most of the time and...blahblahblah chuckle chuckle..." Me and my acquaintance start giggling because we know, or more importantly, I knew that he likes me! WHOOHOO!! And then I looked at my paper. Next to the word "Anytime" the teacher added an exclamation mark.
 That was on my birthday. OH YEAH!! He wants me.

 I want to laugh so badly, but I'm in the Dawson computer lab right now. I'm not alone.

You know, and the funny thing is, Before I turned 18 and I was in the Baha'i Faith Mom always warned me against older guys (and I loooove me some older guys and the Baha'i Faith is older-guy heaven.) but just then my mom sighed and said, "Well, Kayla, an English teacher's the way to go..." ALRIGHTLY THEN!! HA HA thanks mom.

I like nerds too. Big Bang theory: They're all so cute! hahaha. yeah.


So anyway, next 2 classes I notice that when he's teaching his super hot teaching, he's talking to me and looking at me. I raise my hand all the time because, Hey, Hot Teacher, you're such a motivation. (I should call him the HT)
"Very Good, Kayla. You're such a good student! Here's your reward..."*strip *strip*
Oh, HEAVEN!!

Today After the HT switched slides for his teaching presentation, I was taking notes and he went to far, too fast. I raised my hand. He smiled at me. But it wasn't his usual smile, it was a smaller, admiring smile. And yeah, I smile back! So we had eye contact for a few seconds. Me and my teasing glances...
look at him... look away...and back...now smile...flirting complete.

Yeah, I'm a shameless flirt.  What you got?

...Fading Romance?/ Religious Journey.

Okay so...I remember that post where I was talking about how much I loved Ricky and all. Now that my friend, Christie tells me how he cling`s to his mom, What am I supposed to think? She says I`m more mature than he is. Okay, STOP!! I`m 18, He's 33. That can't be good.  Well he did remind me of a little boy...what did I expect? He told me he was moving in with his mom. Suddenly I feel as if Ricky is a turn off. Do I love him less? Well, I still care about him but romantically, that's a turn off.

*******************

 

 

I was really happy today because I was realising the joy, peace and love I had in the LORD. Praying to God is a great feeling. The joy feels awesome.

I was thinking about the earthquake that happened in...Turkey. I started to think about what Jesus said:

"There will be earthquakes in various places."

Earthquake victims so far:

• Haiti 2010
• Japan 2011
• Turkey 2011(twice)

Earthquake Turkey 2011

Earthquake Japan 2011

Earthquake Haiti 2010

Who is next?

I started to freak out a little. He really is coming. The end is really near. I have hope. Jesus says "DO NOT WORRY." So I shouldn't.

My goal is to be a well-rounded lady and to become pleasing in God's sight. Jesus is changing me. I can feel it.
The test he put me through is nearly over. I am stronger now that I have God, more confident. Thank God. Amen.

Missing my love

As soon as I turned 18 I added my love on Facebook again because before I was forced to delete him. Now I see him in the pictures and I see that some of my comments on his photos are removed...like I wasn't ever there. like he's erased me from his ...world. Do i move on and forget about everything...Even what we had before...is all forgotten? Does he love me no more? maybe not...He has forgotten...or maybe he's disgusted with me. I can't bare it.

Lately the dream of marriage is something of the past. Not everyone gets married. some people are supposed to be alone. Maybe I'm one of those. The one who falls for someone forbidden to marry or even to touch. Still, I've never loved any more than I did that time. I was willing to give anything for him, but I couldn't, would it all be in vain? Will he play a game with me? I've never loved this way. At the end of the day he holds me...his touch fortifies me...When do I see him again...?

Working out for the best

I had a birthday this week and now I'm 18. YAY! well, my first week was pretty stressful because I was scared of not finishing my Humanities homework on time. Thank God. He is good.  But i realised something...Jeffrey is a nice guy. he's Christian, He speaks poetically, softly...so beautifully. that's what i like. I like Him very much. Do I have a crush on Him? I don't know. That's left up for observation.

We did very well on the oral afterall. I thank My bro in Christ and Jesus Himself for helping me. All I have to do now is await my exciting weekend. YAY.

Not what He seems

Today I had to watch me sisters in the park, and the usual trouble makers had to come in and bother them. They wouldn't stop.So I got angry and I picked up the sand( but I would never throw it at a little kid, I only did it to scare them away). And then the next moment all the women of that house came at me and started yelling.
The Grandmother said to me,"Fuck you!" She was french but that was an English sentence everyone got. The trouble making boys lied about me having hit them. That's why They came after me. I have a feeling that Satan was behind this trying to mess around with me. I shouldn't have said, "Fuck You, too!"  and gave the finger. Before I thought they were coming after me for no reason trying to attack me for doing nothing.
Later on I went to my mother and she told me that I shouldn't have picked up sand.

Then a woman came to our door. It was...Francois's girlfriend!! What was she going to say? She even started talking to me nice. She said to me in french, "When I saw you I said to myself that she's like me: fragile..." I started crying. OH damn. She's nice to me and I judged her. She was the peacemaker in the family. She wanted me to come and explain what happened. we're okay now...I'm not sure about granny, though...
After reflecting I shouldn't have been so rude...It just made me look bad...I said sorry to God.

I talked to Christie for a while about Francois and how i was jealous of her for being with him. She told me that he wasn't with her anymore. I had a feeling that happened. She told me he was cute but he had bad qualities.

• Play boy. He's not relationship material. He has many girls her plays with. Has sex with them.
• He smokes. Just like I suspected.
• He doesn't respect his religion. Everyone thinks he's good but he's not.(that's why He was trying to prove to me that he was good.) I suspected him at first.
• He always takes, never gave anything back to Christelle.

Basically, everything Zana told me was the truth. Christie slept with him and then he left her. She was trying to warn me. I believe that through her, God was trying to warn me(twice) to be careful and that he's really no good for me, especially with me fragile heart. I thank the Lord for looking out for me, as always.
Later I reflected on how I was jealous of Christie and how I judged her. I shouldn't have. She is really a nice girl. She even gave me her number so that we could hang out and stuff like go to the club(when I turn 18 next week, that is...)

Weird enough...all this stuff about Francois was supposed to turn me off of him but the bad boy stuff kind of excites me...that is so not good.

A new friend

She's a bit older than this but she's the same colour. I called her Bunny. But then Later on we all agreed to call her Tinkerbell. That is, until we realized that our tinkie was a boy, we named him Tre(Trey).

Last night My sister Onika and I were supposed to go to the grocery store and buy Chicken for mom. But on the way, we met a little friend. A kitten. We wanted to take her to the grocery store. We kept taking turns holding it.

When my mom saw it she was like "Bring it in!" but then she turned sour when she thought about the expences. She's ours for now, and we're happy, all six of us(except for mom). Today mom and I went all out for Bunny, buying dollar store cat supplies. There's like, a pet store across from it. It's funny, because people walk right out of the pet store with high prices, across the hall to the dollar store. SOMEONE'S GONNA GO BROKE. Just saying.

Anyway, I have to get cracking soon. I have a Humanities test in ten minutes. I hope I don't flunk it.

              Peace,
                         Kaetaj.

Strange dream

Haha. Okay.

Last night I had a dream that I was practising choreography for a concert. It wasn't any song, though...I was doing a Lee Hyori song and the crowd totally LOVED me!!
Anyway...After that The actual LEE HYORI came in, started acting like a total princess, and did the show for me and....somehow gave me HIV...huh. Not such a nice ending. AND that was WITHOUT a drink. haha. I love you, Hyori.
There's more Hyori where that came from!
some of my favourite Hyori songs!
U-go girl
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Mr. Big
Sway