Moving on...for real this time

I'm so stupid. Ever since I aded my ex, Bryan on facebook, i couldn't stay off his profile. I'll tell you details, I've mentioned him earlier in my posts.

When I was thirteen, I just moved to DDO, and I was a new girl in school. Then boys started paying attention to me. First this boy did, he was over-weight, dirty blond hair, and chubby cheeks; Bryan.(yes, I dated a white guy!) he was telling me about his friend Matt and how Matt liked me so. Until one day in music class, I was teasing him saying that he was gay and then he said, "How can I be gay if I like you?" "What?" Then he blinked as if what he said was blirted out, I was speechless. "Do you like me?" he said. I looked down and didn't say a word. Yeah, I do...

Then he started flirting with me in the library while Bryan was working on a project, in science. We had a grand old time. That is, until Bryan came in one day and said that he liked me, too. He always invited me to go to the library, play chess, do homework and stuff; it wasn't too long before he asked me to be his girlfriend.Was I starting to like Bryan? Should I be with him and forget about my crush on Matt, or tell Bryan, and break his heart, and mine?

So I came up with a poem that suggested my opinion:
letting you go...

I'm doing what's right
just letting you know
that i can't be your girl
i'm letting you go

I like you, i do, but just not enough
don't worry, you're still young
in a matter of time
you'll find true love

Please understand
i should have told you sooner; i regret not doing that
but something held me back;
longer than i planned.

And i'm sorry
please promise me
that you'll forgive me
i'm setting you free

When I gave it to him the next day, he asked me what it meant. I told him, it was a break-up poem, but since I always wrote poems; (even now, I have a strong love for writing.) he'd always read them and loved every one of them, he still didn't get it.

for a while, We talked on MSN, and had our laughs; he came up with the three words. "I love you." I practically died. "What?" "JKS" "what does "JKS" mean?"
The thing is, we were on MSN comunicating like this. I didn't know that "JKS" meant "Jokes" in MSN talk. That was my downfall. That AND letting myself fall for him.

(to be continued later...)

Back to school

I never thought I would be happy to come back to school. I mean, Why go back to school when you're near about failing everything and your best friend stole your guy, your love life is poo-poo?

All hope is not lost. I hope. I do go to school for one reason: Toni. Even though I'm not sure he likes me back...Maybe he does. He's a good friend to me, right? Right?!! Hina thinks so... and so do his friends. Speaking of which, where is he right now? Is he done his exam? Oh please. I really really want to see him before my lab exam starts. Right now I'm in the library typing out this blog, ditching my friends, Ama, Grace, and farah on the other side of the library. All I could talk about is exams, exams, exams. Which is good. For once I can concentrate; I have confidence in my exam. (I know, I know I aced it!! I just know it!!) *smiles* yeah...now I'm talking about nothing.

Wait a minute. I just saw Toni. He's done!!!! I'm so happy now. =D Now I'm gonna go talk to him.

Bad news

Happy new year dear diary,
I wonder what is in store for me this year. Will I be hurt again? or will I find someone new? I'll wait and see.

On Christmas eve I found out the worst news. It was about Vinny and Desi. Vinny asked out Desi on Friday; She told me, and he kissed her,she kissed him, all I know is that they were kissing. I always knew that he would like her, I had that feeling when she met Jeremiah. I was just getting so close to having him...maybe not...That day started with me bitching at Vinny. Luckily, Hina talks to him about my past; and then to Toni about me being in love with him. He said he would see about us.

Vinny did apologize, and he told me that it was actually Desi who came onto him. I don't know who to believe―they've both had a history of being liars. So who should I believe―the girl who steals every man I'm after, or the man who disrespects me?